


heavy is the feeling

by yxrtyu



Series: denial is a river [6]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Lovers, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:47:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27489070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yxrtyu/pseuds/yxrtyu
Summary: You hate a boy that shoves his way into your heart and takes up more space than you wanted him to.Ricky and EJ and Ricky figuring out how he really feels about EJ.
Relationships: Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell
Series: denial is a river [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1596217
Comments: 12
Kudos: 44





	heavy is the feeling

**Author's Note:**

> To everyone who has been following this series: sorry for being away for so long. I've been writing for other fandoms as I was more inspired for them. I honestly did not know how to continue this until... probably three hours ago where I finally figured out what to do next with these two idiots, specifically our dear stupid Ricky.
> 
> If you're still here, thank you. If you're new, thank you. I still have more for this series, and I would like to continue it and complete it one day. Thank you all for your patience and for understanding.

You’re only minding your own business when EJ Caswell comes crashing into your life. He comes not like a soft breeze on a summer day, but rather like a thunderstorm, strong winds and heavy downpour with a crack of lightning that travels up your spine and shocks you to your core. 

You remember it starting off with biting remarks and mean sneers, glares served your way that you can’t help but serve them right back, the need to tear him down from his throne from high up ever growing within you. His haughty look annoyed you to no end, and it would make you ever so satisfied to smack the trademark smirk off of his face. You thought about this every day as you looked at him with his arm around your ex-girlfriend, who beamed at him like he hung the moon and stars. You remember when Nini also used to look at you like that, and you laugh as you thought how stupid you were to let go of someone who adored you.

But then they broke up. And you two finally became civil. But he still found ways to annoy you, ruin you, like the asshole he is. 

Then you fall into Carlos’s closet with him, and he ruins you in other ways. Continues to ruin you with electric touches and kisses that smother you alive, have your lungs heaving, desperate for air. He moans into your mouth, and you lap it up like it’s water, his tongue quenching your thirst in a drought.

Still, you hate him with every fiber of your being, even if you like the way he feels under your hands, all solid muscle and tanned skin warm to the touch. Even if you like the way he roughly pulls on your hair and the way his breath tickles your neck. Even if you like the way he smirks at you as he teases you for something stupid. Even if you like the way he watches you as you fall over headfirst into waves of mind numbing bliss. 

So it really surprises you when he shows up at the skatepark, a wild tempest with a fiery anger in his eyes and running through his veins, to beat the shit out of Vic. You freeze on the spot, watch as he throws punch after punch with a feral look upon his face, and it isn’t until Vic hits him back for a second time, that you run to him, heart seized with an unknown fear.

It is not until you get to his house to ice his orbital bone that you realize that maybe EJ Caswell does not hate you, especially when you press your lips to his and he kisses you in a way that has your stomach swooping and your heart skipping a beat. EJ Caswell tastes of copper and some kind of feeling, and you’re not sure how to feel about it. 

But you tuck that away. Because feelings are heavy. Feelings are too much to deal with. And it is so much easier to be with EJ than to _be_ _with_ EJ. 

So you continue to hate him. You still kiss him with sharp teeth that draw blood, you still want to hurt him, mark him up and bruise him and make him cry out in pain and pleasure, hand to his throat as his eyes roll back in his head. You stare at him, fascinated with the way he shudders afterwards, your name rolling off his tongue like music to your ears. 

Then he looks at you like  _ you _ hung the moon and stars, smiles lazily at you and holds your hand, thumb stroking your skin, and you’re  _ terrified _ . Because now there’s a hole in your heart that only exists because he punched his way through it just so that he can fill it with himself and only himself. And it begs you to wonder when and how and why?

When and how and why did EJ Caswell start to  _ look _ at you?

Big Red waves his hand in front of you, and you turn to him to see an annoyed look on his face.

“Did you want to come over or what?’

You’re about to say yes, but your eyes flick over to a boy you hate that shoves his way into your heart and takes up more space than you wanted him to. Your breath catches, and you wonder when and how and why did you start to _look_ back at him. 

“I, uh, sure. Yeah.”

That’s what you say, and you will go to your best friend’s house, but you pull out your phone and search for that familiar name to text him to meet you late at night, like you always do, except your thumb freezes over his name, something tightening in your chest that has you gasping for air. You look back up to find blue eyes meeting yours, and that’s when you realize:

You’re in love with a boy who is a thunderstorm, with its heavy rains and its gusts of wind that wreck you and tear you apart and flood you with feelings that you drown in.

This realization is too much to handle, too much to keep within you, like you’re bursting at the seams. So as soon as you sit down with Big Red on his couch in his basement, you blurt it out:

“I’m in love with EJ.”

Big Red turns to you, eyes widening in surprise. “Oh… okay.”

“That’s it? That’s all you have to say?”

He shrugs and picks up a controller to give to you. Picking up his own, he says, “There’s not much to say. I already kinda knew.”

You’re at a loss for words, unsure if you’re relieved that he knows or worried that he knows. Because this thing between you and EJ, this ever growing mountain of something that you’re unsure of what to call it, was supposed to be a secret. Everything you two did was behind closed doors, in the dark, away from attentive ears and watchful eyes. 

“If you’re worried that people know, they don’t,” Big Red reassures you, as if he read your mind. He taps a finger to his temple. “I just have amazing ginger Jew senses.” Then he turns to you, curiosity in his eyes. “Are you going to ask him out?” 

The thought of being in a relationship hasn’t even crossed your mind. You’re still reeling over finding out how you truly feel about EJ Caswell, star athlete, vice president, lead actor, stranger turned rival turned into _someone_ in your life. 

Big Red waves his hand. “I would say don’t worry too much about it, but EJ is graduating and leaving at the end of the summer.”

Your head snaps to your friend next to you, mouth dry when you hear this information. “What?”

“Hm?” The sounds of Smash play on the television screen. He presses a few buttons and then character selection is brought up. “Did you not know? He’s going to NYU for college.”

No, you didn’t know. You only found out you’re in love with a storm, but like all storms, they pass, and you’re left soaked and battered with nothing but your own feelings that suffocate you, threading throughout your lungs and up your throat and out of your mouth where they grow and continue to bloom and bloom and  _ bloom _ long after the clouds clear up and the sun shines.

So you do like you always do: you reach in and rip those weed-like feelings out of you and throw them away, hoping that you’ll forget about them. Except you never will because you’re addicted to EJ and his wild and his lightning. You will continue to see him and you will continue to feel and sabotage yourself knowing he will leave East High, leave Salt Lake City, leave Utah, leave  _ you _ .

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

**Author's Note:**

> Stay safe out there, everyone.
> 
> twitter: @__ieatcereal


End file.
